I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
