those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
