omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
