dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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