Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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