I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
