you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
