after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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