Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
