I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
