The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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