Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
