yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
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