Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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