Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
