You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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