she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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