I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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