the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
