community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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