So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
