I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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