Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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