If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
