saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
