the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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