there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
