I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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