we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
