You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
