I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
