Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
