You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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