At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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