the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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