It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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