Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
