i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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