Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
