I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
