She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
