I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just cut my nipple shaving
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
