Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
