i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
