and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
