Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
