On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
