I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
