dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
