so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
