two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
