it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
