I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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