remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
