Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
