On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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